Peace, Happiness, and Tranquility
The importance of family in Islam is peace, happiness, and tranquility — the opposite being disaster, broken homes, and violence.
Mates Created for Tranquility
The Arabic word of the verse is taskunu, meaning a place where someone feels at 'home' — the word for home, sakan, comes from the same root.
"You are from each other" (Al-Imran 3:195): my mate is part of me, and I am part of her or him.
وَمِنْ آیَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَیْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَیْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لَآیَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ یَتَفَكَّرُ ونَ“And among His wonders is this: He creates for you mates out of your own kind, so that you might incline towards them, and He inspires love and tenderness between you: in this, behold, there are messages indeed for people who think!”
Ar-Rum 30:21
Addressing a Misconception
There is a misconception that Islam subjugates women or considers men superior to women. No one is better than the other — each has defined roles: man as provider, woman as care-giver and educator of children — reflecting the need for balanced partnership between men and women for the betterment of society.
Brothers, do not elevate yourself and place yourself above your wife, mother, or sister, for you are part of her and she is part of you. There is no place for arrogance or forcefulness towards women. "You are from each other" is an elevation of the woman's position, telling men to withdraw their pride and arrogance in dealing with women — in some cases the same message applies to sisters, where the wife is the dominant member of the family. She is your boss — your better half.
It is He who has created you all out of one living entity, and out of it brought into being its mate, so that man might incline with love towards woman (Al-A'raf 7:189). It cannot be imagined that one could lead a normal, steadfast human life if there was a complete destruction of the normal family structure.
الرِّ جَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاء بِمَا فَضَّلَ اللهَّ ُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَى بَعْضٍ وَبِمَا أَنفَقُواْ مِنْ أَمْوَالِهِمْ“Men shall take full care of women with the bounties which God has bestowed more abundantly on the former than on the latter, and with what they may spend out of their possessions.”
An-Nisa 4:34
The Foundations of a Happy Family
Allah knows that a person can sometimes be affected by an atmosphere of disagreement and hate, and then Satan finds what he is seeking for the destruction of the family. The Qur'anic viewpoint is to purify the emotions and return to the family its beauty and clarity.
"And live with them honourably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good" (An-Nisa 4:19).
- The raising of children
- Mutual respect of each other's rights
- Courteousness in dealing with one another
- Widening one's family's and one's own horizons
Stubbornness Destroys Families
If family members exchange love for stubbornness, this is a bad sign and a defeated beginning; nothing destroys a family like stubbornness and argument — small disagreements can be blown out of proportion into huge points of conflict. Many researchers have determined that family breakdown is the main cause of juvenile delinquency, so the family is responsible for protecting itself from disunity before it ceases to function as a unit. A normal, healthy life will always have its ups and downs.
In a Muslim community, the family plays several important roles, chief among them increasing the progeny of the Muslim nation. The Prophet said, "Marriage is one of my traditions, and whoever does not follow my traditions is not one of us. So get married, for that way you will increase the nation in strength and number" (Ibn Maajah).
Teaching and raising Muslim youth is a job for the whole family — the home is the first school in which the child is introduced to the basic tenets of religion. The Muslim family is held responsible before Allah for the correct Islamic upbringing of its children, instilling the concept of worship of Allah and following His prescribed way of life. Do our families fulfil their childrearing and educational responsibilities? Does our method of raising children give them the power to resist secularization? Do families gather to learn the Qur'an, or to watch acts of disobedience to Allah? Any shortcomings in raising children will negatively affect the thoughts, structure, and security of the community.
Ibn Umar related that the Prophet said, "All of you are guardians and all of you are responsible for your wards. An imam is a guardian and responsible for his wards; a man is a guardian in his family and responsible for his dependants; a lady is a guardian in her husband's house and responsible for her charges" (Bukhari and Muslim).
Garments for One Another
What does a garment do? It protects one from heat and cold; it hides faults; it covers what should not be seen by others; and it adorns and makes the wearer beautiful. That is the perfect description of what spouses do for one another.
هُنَّ لِبَاسٌ لَّكُمْ وَأَنتُمْ لِبَاسٌ لَّهُنَّ“They are your garments, and you are their garments.”
Al-Baqara 2:187
Heaven Under the Feet of the Mother
The Prophet Muhammad's (PBUH) saying, "Heaven is under the feet of the mother," elevates a woman's role as mother, along with the responsibilities that come with it. When the Prophet was asked who has more rights in one's life, he replied "your mother" three times before finally saying "then your father" — answering this way to change the mentality of the Jahiliyya (ignorance) to the mentality of Islam.
Allah SWT honors and protects women as daughters. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said parents blessed with three daughters, raised well, are rewarded with Heaven; asked if this applied to those with two, or even just one, well-raised daughter, the Prophet said yes — even one daughter, well raised and attended to, can secure this reward for her parents. The key point is that parents must raise and honor their daughters well: are you investing time, money, and effort in raising them properly?
Rights Within the Household
We know the story of two Sahabah, one of whom had a wife distraught and in bad physical and mental shape; the Prophet informed the husband: "Your body has rights, your Lord has rights, your guests have rights, your family has rights; give everyone their due" (al-Bukhari, from Wahb ibn 'Abdullah).
He (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "The strong amongst you is not one of physical strength; the strong is the person who restrains themselves when angry" (al-Bukhari, from Abu Hurayrah).
Divine Response to Injustice
When a woman, Khawla bint Tha'laba, came to the Prophet after being thrown out of her house by her husband, who was still following pagan traditions, the Prophet told her he had not yet been given specific edicts for such circumstances. She supplicated to God, and Allah SWT responded through the Angel Gabriel, disavowing the cruel practices under the old pagan laws of the Jahiliyya that treated wives as property.
قَدْ سَمِعَ اللهَّ ُ قَوْلَ الَّتِي تُجَادِلُكَ فِي زَوْجِهَا وَتَشْتَكِي إِلَى اللهَّ ِ وَاللهَّ ُ یَسْمَعُ تَحَاوُرَ كُمَا إِنَّ اللهَّ َ سَمِیعٌ بَصِیرٌ“Allah has indeed heard the words of her who pleads with thee concerning her husband, and complains unto Allah. And Allah does hear what you both have to say: verily, Allah is all-hearing, all-seeing.”
Al-Mujadilah 58:1
Protection Against Cruel Divorce Practices
In Surat At-Talaq, God decreed there would be no woman cast out of her home (unless she committed an immoral act), and no divorce would be final until a cooling-off period.
We hope that spreading this awareness enables brothers and sisters going through difficult times to reach out for help, ensuring a safer, more wholesome Ummah for future generations.
Oh Allah, forgive us our sins and transgressions, pardon our lapses, and make us from among the guided. Oh Allah, give us happy lives and vibrant livelihoods, and make us couples between whom is mercy and tranquility. Oh Allah, pardon those who have repented and turned away from abuse. Oh Allah, deal with those who refuse to cease from abuse, and those who transgress against their spouses and children. Oh Allah, forgive us all, Muslim men and women, and make us from those who abide by Your commands and follow the guidance of Your Messenger.
یَا أَیُّهَا النَّبِيُّ إِذَا طَلَّقْتُمُ النِّسَاء فَطَلِّقُوهُنَّ لِعِدَّتِهِنَّ وَأَحْصُوا الْعِدَّةَ وَاتَّقُوا اللهَّ َ رَبَّكُمْ لاَ تُخْرِ جُوهُنَّ مِن بُیُوتِهِنَّ وَلاَ یَخْرُ جْنَ إِلاَّ أَن یَأْتِینَ بِفَاحِشَةٍ مُّبَیِّنَةٍ“O Prophet! When you [intend to] divorce women, divorce them with a view to the waiting period appointed for them, and reckon the period carefully, and be conscious of God, your Sustainer. Do not expel them from their homes, and neither shall they be made to leave, unless they become openly guilty of immoral conduct.”
At-Talaq 65:1